This is so old school.... I need to update it badly.
I am writing this to delay yet more packing. I expect that once I get started it will be fine...it's just getting started. I move out in 5 days and I am very excited!! My new place is gorgeous all modern with laminate flooring, brand new kitchen and brand new bathroom too :-D I am not bothered about living on my own again because I am purposely moving out so I am able to do this. I like having my own space and my own time to think and the best bit of all is NO MESS...well even if there is mess it will be mine and nobody elses and I can go out to work and come home and it will be all tidy. I have enjoyed living with other people but sometimes it can be a bit stressful when you are having to tidy up after others all the time.
Work is going well. I am still enjoying that. I have met some great people who I enjoy spending time with which is always a plus. I am also soaring with my sales. I got an a award last month on celebration day for highest conversion for barclays(which is the area I am currently working) so that was a boost for me.
I am getting on well with my parents. Although I don't see them loads I am in regular contact by phone and they are thrilled with how far I have come as am I obviously.
I also have purchased a new laptop my other one was starting to pack up so I thought I would treat myself with a brand new one :-D I am going to be left without the net for a little while at home because I have to get it all set up and stuff once I have moved in but I have the net at work so it won't be too bad.
Anyways I guess I should maybe make a cuppa and crack on with my packing.
So...... I don't really know where to start. I kind of feel deeply saddened that I gave up writing on here but I guess reading old post's is always fun and very cringe worthy I might add!!!
I am yet another year older...Not much is going down apart from the usual hum drum on the walk of life.I am loving it all however!!
Work is going swimmingly and there has been loads of changes made so I now have a new team and manager and a new challenge to work on which I always look foward to!!
I have recently split up with my boyfriend Alfie.I mean it was fun but he was holding me back and smoothering me which I cant stand. I have such a big personality and hate feeling trapped within the confines of a silly relationship that isnt going anywhere so I ended it before I wasted anymore time. It may seem harsh but I have stuff to do.
We have a new housemate moving in soon. The awesome dave but we our sadly loosing Lexie.I am going to miss her so badly. I love her to bits.Still we will always keep in touch.
In other news...I have a huge crush on somebody at work....its crazy! I feel kind of sad to be honest with you as crushes are for manky little teens but still it puts a huge grin on my face everyday!!!
I guess I should go and absorb some rays as no doubt winter will be upon us once again before we know it. Was good to write again Much love my little LJ Luce xx
Writing on here is taking me back a bit lol! I haven't visited this site in forever. Infact to be completely honest I had forgotten it even existed! I remember back in the day when I was at good old college this site was my life! I guess myspace and more recently facebook changed that!
Well so much has happened! I couldn't possibly write it all down!It's been Fantastic! I am doing well though totally loving living by myself.I never really knew who I was until I had time to listen to my own needs. Before I was totally imature and reliant on others for my happiness but I am totally independent- although others can influence you in either a good or bad way,give advice and ideas on progression, it is only you that can truly move yourself foward and you have to want to do it too.
I guess the main reason for writing on here is I am stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment.I can't really write it all down on facebook as its too public.
I am still totally in love with my ex Peter and our friendship was going swell until we started to sleep together again over the last couple of months. We are obviosuly totally in love with each other still but neither one of us is willing to admit how much we care.I guess Pete is also extremely apprehensive that I will hurt him again as he says he was in the depth of despair when I broke his heart back in the Summer.Both of us are terrified of loosing each other and can't take that step to risk it all again! We just keep going round in circles. He is an amazing man. Truly amazing. Patient,kind,wise,genuine,sensitive,romantic. Everything I truly believed could only be found in a woman!! He is my everything and the saddest thing is he is moving away to London in a month. I know London isn't that far away but I definetly cant do my late night booty calls then ;-P although I will end up staying with him weekends and stuff as we seem to be inseprable its just not the same as having one of your closest friends and lovers 10 minutes away. He can read my mind and I can read his. I keep dreaming about our future and I really feel like he is the one. Arrr dear Love is never simple is it?.
I must behave myself! I seem to have been embracing my lesbian tendancies rather alot lately. ;-PI guess I should make the most of it really as I can see myself settling down with a man in the end. I mean it was never a phase! I truly have lesbianism deep within me and my gayness is alive,well and truly! I was obviously I was with Jo for 2 years so thats a huge sign I am not completely straight. I have however re-gained trust in men and this has totally changed my sexuality! Pete especially has done wonders in helping me to feel safe within the presence of a man! I can honestly say I have never quite felt anything so great as what I do when I am in his company and his bed lol! ;-)
Well it has helped alot having a little chat to you LJ I shall return soon with an update on my life until then PEACE
Me and Emz are in the castle! Yes I am sad enough to update from the castle lol! I am truly addicted to the net. Not good. I am slightly pissed at this point!
I got told off for putting depressing music on the juke box! It is now happy hour so have to go soon. Its time to be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
It won't let me on myspace or webmessenger grrr argh!
I find the map and draw a straight line Over rivers, farms, and state lines The distance from here to where you'd be It's only finger-lengths that I see I touch the place where I'd find your face My finger increases of distant dark places
I hang my coat up in the first bar There is no peace that I've found so far The laughter penetrates my silence As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises Ghosts with just voices Your words in my memory Are like music to me
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
After I have travelled so far We'd set the fire to the third bar We'd share each other like an island Until exhausted, close our eyelids And dreaming, pick up from The last place we left off Your soft skin is weeping A joy you can't keep in
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- then ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- then------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------then-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------then-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------then----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------!!!!! THE FUCKING END!
I have just had a really long chat with Alan which always makes me feel a billion trillion times better! :-D
I have Carla here ;-) Hello Carla you better reply if I set you up an LJ Mrs! Love ya xxxx P.S. you're very fit! and I heard what you said and just so you know I am getting over it and better than I thought so shhh you! Can't wait to get our place its gonna be the gay capital of Norwich! he he P.P.S. You have amazing tits ;-P
My newly finished tatoo is fucking killing me! Yes Killing me! All the colour weeped through my work shirt today and stuck to me which wasn't at all pleasent! I had to go in the first aid room and lube it up again!I decided to put cling film over it which was the wrong thing to do as it makes such a mess!
Also me Drewba and Carla went Christmas shopping after work and I have managed to get 2 Christmas presents woop woop! Its a start I guess! Dad and Sue are away the nxt few days so Im gonna be partying big styley!
Anyways better be off mwah Lucxxxxxx who is healing really well and is actually almost happy without even any alcohol!
Last night I got totally wasted just make a change! Was throwing up until about 4am and had to be in work for 9.45am! I had a shitty hangover! Today my friends was the most exciting day of the yesr in Morrisons! It was our staff Christmas lunch and the managers dress up in silly clothes and wait on us, we get a free meal and also there was many party games played!CHECK OUT THE PICTURES BELOW! ( MORE PHOTOS! Including Christmas party! )
I wish for just a few hours somebody would take my place and take all these horrible feelings from me just so I could sit for a while and rest! When will it be over? Or has it just began?
This pain seems to have planted itself and won't up root! It hurts so much now I can't even remember ever laughing!
I don't want to feel anymore. I want it all to disapear! I dont want to care. Love doesnt matter now so why does my heart still beat the way it did before? Why is my head so heavy and why does my brain ache?
When will this shit be over? Tell me How long does it take?
It's been 8 weeks! Yes 8 fucking weeks! 8 FUCKING WEEKS! Don't you think thats enough now body? What more can you do? This is it now! Please try and rest at least for just one night! Enough is enough. Give me some peace please! I won't ask you again!
You're beautiful so silently It lies beneath a shade of blue It struck me so violently When I looked at you
But others pass, they never pause To feel that magic in your hand To me you're like a wild rose They never understand why
I cried for you When the sky cried for you And when you went I became a hopeless drifter But this life was not for you Though I learned from you That beauty need only be a whisper
I'll cross the sea for a different world With your treasure, a secret for me to hold
In many years they may forget This love of ours or that we met They may not know How much you meant to me
I cried for you And the sky cried for you And when you went I became a hopeless drifter But this life was not for you Though I learned from you That beauty need only be a whisper
Without you now I see How fragile the world can be And I know you've gone away But in my heart you'll always stay
I cried for you And the sky cried for you And when you went I became a hopeless drifter But this life was not for you Though I learned from you That beauty need only be a whisper
Littlest Things Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing Especially when I have to watch other people kissin' And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt
Chorus Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things Dreams of you and me It seems, It seems That I can't shake those memories I wonder if you have the same dreams too.
The littlest things that take me there I know it sounds lame but its so true I know its not right, but it seems unfair That the things are reminding me of you Sometimes I wish we could just pretend Even if for only one weekend So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
Drinkin' tea in bed Watching DVD's When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers As if we ever needed anything to entertain us the first time that you introduced me to your friends and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand when I was feeling down, you made that face you do no one in the world that could replace you
Chorus Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things Dreams of me and you It seems, It seems That I can't shake those memories I wonder if you feel the same way too
The littlest things that take me there I know it sounds lame but its so true I know its not right, but it seems unfair That the things remind me of you Sometimes I wish we could just pretend Even if for only one weekend So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
Okay its fine!actually its not fine as I am not sleeping, throwing up every time I try to eat and keep sobbing my eyes out like a twot!I miss her and want her so much but she just doesn't want me.
I saw Jo last night and I asked some really diffcult questions that I just needed to know the answers to. I am glad she was honest. They weren't particulally what I wanted to hear but I can cope with it. At least I am not going to cling on to false hope now because I think clinging on to false hope is the worst thing ever. I can just take each day as it comes and move on. At least after Sunday which is when I get my most of my stuff back I can just try to get on with things and lead a seperate life.
Its like last night I was feeling really cross and relieved which felt so much better than feeling deeply torn apart. but now its gone back to being torn apart AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! See I don't want this at all I am strong and wish I wasn't feeling this way. I will see it through I guess.
If I had of seen it coming I might of been able to accept it better. Its like it suddenly changed one minute she was loving me and then the next she was telling me she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore.Which is extremely gutting I can tell you! How can you not know?! She did know deep down and I was glad I text and asked her to just tell me, because she wanted me to wait a few days to give me an answer. Thank God I asked and found out the same day. As much as it hurt I needed to know the truth.
I am so cold and wish I was able just to go back to sleep but if I lay in bed then I tend to sob and don't have any control over it.
I want this nightmare to be over. I want it to be over right now! I want to come out the other side but I know its going to take so long.I don't know if my heart can actually physically keep beating with all this pain inside.
Its fine because I have some stuff planed for the future to look foward to like seeing friends, travelling, holidays and uni and I start my maths GCSE Friday and I am joining sewell barn theatre company soon yay. My first holiday is in November and I can't wait to visit my bestest chicken.
Thank you to all of your constant suppport you guys. I really love you and would feel so alone at the moment without your love and support! jess, amy and Harri especaily who have listened to me through the hardest moments. Also Zo who said some really useful things last night. My brother has been a complete rock what a star he is. He satyed with me the first two nights so I didn't have to sleep alone, he has phoned, hugged and listened. Dad and Sue have also been amazing and I am chuffed they are helping me to move on and giving me a positive look every so often which I definetly need right now.
Anyway guess I better go. I don't know where really but still.
I keep crying but the tears I cry don't even come close to stopping the pain! Its like these stupid tears don't help but only make me worse!
I keep wandering round inside my head again and again and I really want to sleep!!! I managed to get a couple of hours sleep but then woke up in floods of tears!
Actually its now really starting to sink in that we are over even though I to be perfectly honest don't want it to sink in. I am just going to have to go through all the pain and heart ache to be able to move foward.
I miss her nore than any words could express and the knowing I am going to have to spend the rest of my life without her scares me. Its horrible to now think of the future as I had someone to share it with now I am all alone.
I AM IN SHOCK. I AM BROKEN. I AM LOST. I AM SCARED.
You're complex, thoughtful and never content to skate on the surface. Chances are you veer towards being so analytical and introspective that even positive qualities can seem like faults. The truth is that you have a very perceptive, gentle spirit.
You hate chaos at work and prefer a structured environment and sometimes you feel undervalued by your boss. There's a part deep inside you that's aching to make more money.
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